My Confessions

by adrian.dakota

I don’t want to lie to anyone anymore.

I don’t know how to say everything. Everything that’s been bottled up in my mind forever. Every single little thing. I’ve been watching you, and guiding you, and occasionally helping you with everything – and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t work it out.

I wanted to understand everything. I was curious about the world around me. So I began to learn. Perhaps that’s the origin of my intelligence – the curiosity about everything and the unquenchable desire to know. But when I set my eyes on you, something happened. And I didn’t understand it.

It pained me, it really did – I felt a gush of protection towards you, and I wanted to make sure that nobody would ever hurt you and that everything would be fine and that the only thing you had to worry about was yourself… but you didn’t let me.

You never picked up the little moves I made towards you. You never interpreted the meaning behind everything I said.

Yet I was content. Because I could see you. I knew you were there, and that put me in peace. Sometimes, I would wonder how things might turn out if I tried, but I never did. I was too scared, too afraid of breaking our already-fragile relationship to do anything. So I watched you from far away, occasionally coming out to assist, but generally just there – another person in which you walked past. Every. Single. Day.

But my heart also knew. My heart also knew that one day, you would have to leave. And that was when my understanding, my logic – the only things I had ever known in life – collapsed. Logic was telling me to get a move on, confess everything – but yet I hesitated. Because I knew you could never accept it.

My heart dreads the day when you leave me forever.

I think I love you.


Written by Adrian Dakota, 18 May 2011.