My Cycles of Life

by adrian.dakota

Every single day I look at you, I try to say it. Today, in all the times when I could see you, when you were next to me, I tried to voice my feelings, my thoughts. But there was always someone nearby. I didn’t know how you would respond, but I feared how others would respond. All of them. I got so scared… I got so scared I never took a chance that I had a million times.

You kept complaining to me about how I was behaving. In truth, that wasn’t me trying to annoy you. It was me trying to cover up for the chance I missed… because I kept trying to say it, and ended up annoying you as I feebly covered up. I don’t know if you knew that or not… not that it makes any more difference.

Am I making this clear enough yet? Because I really… I really don’t know what else I could say to make you realise. And I regret this once in a while, and then I get proud of what I’ve done, then I regret it again and get depressed… but I don’t know if I’d preferred myself regretting a chance I never took or myself regretting a chance I took and subsequently fouled up.

I’m scared of failure.

And this is one time when I can’t improvise my way around.

But I still… I still look forward to tomorrow when I can be with you.

And if you… if you think you’ve begun to realise, and you’ll started to work things out… it might make life easier if you told me.

Because I’m scared of how you’ll respond if I tell you, but I promise to respect your wishes.

Since I don’t know how you feel.

But I want to know.

Written by Adrian Dakota on the 25 May 2011. The secret’s out, but the word’s still in.