Will you do so too?

by adrian.dakota

I think it’s about time you knew for real.

Because you’ve already started to believe, but that isn’t barely enough.

You’ve already realised that I like you. That I’m infatuated with you.

Oooh, I like that word, infatuated. Suits my current situation.

You’ve changed me a lot. I’ve watched someone live, my first, best, actual friend… then watched as we separated, torn apart by our separate choices.

I never thought it then, but now as I think about it… was I always doomed to fail? Was I supposed to never have, but always watch?

Every time, I seem to do something wrong. Even when I don’t do anything, something goes wrong. Every time I’ve had a friend, an actual person I could literally trust with my life, and that I knew would never speak my secrets… every time that I’ve gotten close, they leave me.

They leave me for another school.

They leave me for a new friend.

They leave me for the ‘cool gang’.

They leave me simply because they do.

And I could never understand it. What had I done wrong? What was it with me that made me, well… different? Why? Why was I doomed to have such a life? What is it with people?

I don’t think I’ll understand, I don’t think I ever will.

Will you – will you leave me too, I wonder?

I wish not.

But I suppose you will someday.

I just wish that it wouldn’t hurt as much as it did before.